Rate my rap(give me your harsh,honest opinion)?

The words themselves are good, but you could do some better bending. The rhythm of the words is hard for me to follow. Maybe you have it good in your head, but it doesn't read well the way you have it posted... Maybe you could breakup the verses better. If the syllable count of the lines was more clear, and a steady flow could be seen, then this would be superb. As it is, it's too sticky to be great.